Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so.

I grew up hearing and singing this song. My kids have grown up listening to me sing it to them. But until recently, even though I’ve known Jesus since I was twelve years old, I haven’t really believed that love was for me or was willing to receive it.

Part of the reason I had such a hard time with God’s love, is that when I saw myself in the light of His love, my weakness, woundedness, and wickedness was exposed, and that scared me. God couldn’t possibly love someone as messed up as me.

C.S. Lewis put it this way: we are loved by, “…the consuming fire Himself, the Love that made the worlds, persistent as the artist’s love for his work and despotic as a man’s love for a dog, provident and venerable as a father’s love for a child, jealous, inexorable, exacting as love between the sexes. (“The Problem of Pain,” pp. 35)”

The gift of God’s love seemed too heavy and frightening for me. If I let it sink down into my being, I thought it might crush me. All the fears and lies tried to tell me that I could not stand under the weight of that love.

As a self-proclaimed Enneagram Two (The Helper), my greatest fear is to be unloved and unwanted. I earn love and feel wanted by finding ways to serve and meet people’s needs. Usually, unconsciously I believe that if I show love to and help others, then maybe they will want to keep me around and love me in return. It’s a very codependent way of living life. For many years, this fear-driven belief ruled my relationships with people and with God. I believed I initiated His love for me by being useful to Him.

But praise be to Jesus that He would have none of it. He has kept pursuing me and gently asking me to let Him love me. As Jeremiah the prophet says “The Lord has appeared to us from afar, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.’”

God doesn’t need me. He wants me. He doesn’t need you, He loves you and wants you. And His love for you is heavy. It’s so big and so heavy that it would drive Him to the cross to get us back to Himself. To ransom us back from the slave markets of sin. To pay the price we never could.

As Romans 5:8  tells us “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Not after we helped Him out. Not after we served Him enough. Not after we showed that we’re worthy. No, while we were still completely of no benefit to Him, while we were His enemies, His love made the way for us to be brought home to Him because He loves us and wants us desperately.

Crushed by the extent of His own love for us, He took the weight of all our sin upon His shoulders and found Himself unwanted and unloved by the people He came to save. He even felt forsaken by the Father upon the cross. But His love didn’t stop at the grave. It was too heavy for even death to hold. Instead, sin and death were overpowered and trampled under the mighty weight of Jesus’ love for us; fulfilling God’s plan to rescue humanity and restoring us as sons and daughters of the God of the universe.

At Instructor Training in 2018, I came to the end of myself, once again. Having gone through an intense week of physical and spiritual training, I lay on the gym floor and felt the weight of His love press down upon me. His love crushed the lies that I’m unwanted and unloved. I felt it fill me with the truth that I am fully known and fully loved. I found myself alternating between the ugly cry and deep belly laughs. I felt completely undone, broke smooth down, and fully free. 

The lies still come. The fear still tries to creep in. However, when I choose to sit with Him, He trains me to carry His love each day. So I learn to serve, to help, and to love others out of being loved first. It’s what He wants for you. To train you to carry the weight of His love into the world as a fully known and fully loved child of God.

In the comments below, share your experience of God’s heavy love. How has Jesus’ love changed your life? 

Wes Scheu (Platoon 20) is a pastor and the Revelation Wellness Chaplain. He lives in Denver, CO with his wife, Erin (Platoon 19), their three kiddos (Isaiah, Brynna, and Lydia), and their sweet doggy (Luna). He loves hiking, fantasy novels, cooking, and hearing people’s stories.

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Workout with us in this #wednesdayworkout! For more workouts like this, visit RevWell TV!

JANA’S SPIN – “LOVE IS…”

Find any stationary bike and give this workout a “spin”. This is cardiovascular training at its finest. Great for those who would like to avoid high-impact and give their lower body joints a break. (ALL LEVELS) (1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-8; BIKE)