*Post updated October 2022
At The End of Myself
Finally, I could let it all out. That ache in my stomach and hole in my heart was desperate for a major cry session. Now that my one-and-a-half-year-old was peacefully sleeping down the hall, and my in-laws had gone to bed downstairs long ago, I was free to sob.
I laid down on my borrowed bed, the one I wished was our own bed in our old home which sold several months ago. My husband, Calvin, and I agreed it would be best if our baby and I lived with family during this crazy time of transition, instead of me trying to “single parent it” for months while Calvin was job training states away.
So here we were, house hopping for several months between my parent’s place and my in-laws, which I was totally grateful for but I still had that lump in my throat and a deep need to let it out.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought of how gracious both sets of parents were, setting up spaces for my son and me. They loved us so sweetly, knowing we only had a few more months together before Simon (my son) and I packed up and moved to be with Calvin.
Aching for the Familiar
But still, my heart ached for the familiar. My heart ached for my husband. My heart ached to know moving over 1,000 miles away was, in fact, the right choice.
My heart cried out, “You’re in this, right God? Why did You ask us to do something so difficult? I can’t just up and leave all I know for something I don’t … What if?….”
And then the tears started flowing. Groans and sobs rose up from my gut and poured out of me, “Lord I’m terrified. I miss Calvin so much. I’m so scared of what moving will look like. I still have 2 more months to go before I see him. I need to know you’re here. I just need a hug!”
Then came the overwhelming impression, “Get your Bible.”
I wiped the snot from my face and tried to dry my puffy eyes. The lump in my throat somehow made it hard for my feet to move, but finally, I grabbed the Bible and flopped back down on my bed. I just opened to a random spot towards the back, the New Testament has to be a good spot I thought. And I started reading, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort….” (2 Cor 1:3ff)
The noise in my heart and whirlwind of tears came to a deafening halt. It’s as if these words were spoken over my storm by Jesus Himself saying, “Peace, be still.”
My eyes met the Bible again, but this time I read a little further, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort who comforts us in all our troubles ….”
Immediately there was a warmth that fell on me as if Someone had taken a big weighted blanket and placed it over me. This time the tears that began to flow were a release of peace, comfort, and a knowing that my Father (the God of all comfort) was giving me that hug I so desperately longed for, His heavy love whispered – “I’ve got you, and you’re on the right track.
Moving My Feet to God's Word
A few years later, 1,458 miles away, and nearly on the other side of the most crippling battle with fear I’ve ever experienced (another story, another time), the Lord asked me to walk and pray for my new community. This intimate time with Him became some of the sweetest moments in my life.
Years later at Revelation Wellness Instructor Training, I’d find out what I was doing is called Reving The Word. I would listen to worship music or a sermon as I walked/jogged through the city and listened to the Father’s heart over me and those I prayed for. If only I had known about the Reving The Word Podcast back then (if you haven’t tried it, you’re gonna love it!).
Looking back, now I can see God doesn’t just comfort us for our own comfort. Later in that 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 passage, it goes on to say two of the most meaningful words — “so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we receive from God.” In Revelation Wellness, we call this the “Set Others Free” portion of our mission. “Get Free. Stay Free. Set Others Free.”
My time walking, jogging, and praying over my new community actually turned into a knowing of my Father’s heart for them, and for me.
Knowing my Father’s heart allowed me to be about His business as I took the focus off of myself and my circumstances, and placed it on to Him and what He was doing. Instead of sitting at home missing my family, He gave me the heart to love the community around me.
He lit a fire in my belly to serve, create relationships, mentor, encourage, equip, and love on those He placed in my physical sphere of influence.
So His comforting, heavy love that rested on me years prior in the upstairs room during a time when I felt so anxious and lonely, sparked in me a craving for His living Word.
It’s the Word that actively pursued me and washed me with peace. It’s the Word that brought me courage in the years ahead while it fought my fear and delivered me. It filled me and covered me so that the love I experienced would (and still does) wash over those I come in contact with.
Get Free. Stay Free. Set Others Free.
In our afflictions, pain, worry, and desperation let’s run to the One who will say, “Peace, be still” so we can be covered with His love and in turn love the world around us.
In the comments below, share how God has called you to be obedient in a challenging situation.
Summer is a wife and mom of two growing boys in Lynden, Washington. As a Revelation Wellness Instructor, she is crazily passionate about the body of Christ walking in the fullness of their giftings, and that’s why you’ll find her teaching classes a couple of times a week in her hometown. As co-founder of Healthy, Whole, and Free Community, it’s her joy to help women live life to the fullest by pursuing health, all while keeping their eyes fixed on Jesus
12 Responses
I, too was asking the lord for a much needed hug two nights ago. It has been a difficult and trying few months with my husband battling cancer. But as he did with you, the lord guided me by his word. Praise god for his everlasting love and faithfulness!
Thank you for sharing, Patty! We are praying for you and your husband.
Thank you so much for your timely blog post! I am struggling and feeling the weight of fear and anxiety over going back to work full time after being home for 7 YEARS with my kids. Change is hard.
good to be reminded That God is with us in THE HARD. It is ENCOUraging to read how god met YOU. Super HOPEFUL to read your STORY and that as you gave god your STRUGGLES, he made a way for you. Thanks for being transparent.
LOVE > FEAR
Yes, Love > Fear! God is with us in the hard. Praying for you, Ronda!
I HIGHLY ENJOYED READING THIS. omg IT WAS SO NEEDED. because EVERYDAY BEING SELF EMPLOYEED WITH MY HUSBAND IS A WALK OF FAITH. SOMETIMES I SET IN A NUMB, SILENT AND FRUSTRATED POSITION. FRUSTRATED BECAUSE I CAN’T CHANGE OR CONTROL THE SITUATION. I MUST TRUST GOD AND TRUST HIM ALL THE WAY. SCREAMING HURRY UP GOD!!!! I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW AND THEN OF COURSE I HEAR THE LORD SAY, DIDN’T I TELL YOU I WILL NOT LET YOU GO DOWN. I TOLD YOU YEARS AGO IF YOU WOULDN’T TAKE YOUR LIFE, YOU WOULD ALWAYS KNOW THAT I AM WITH YOU,
CRY…CRY…THANK YOU LORD
I’m so glad this blessed you, Rennie! It sounds like your in a test of faith! The Lord will help you be faithful!
I recently got diagnosed with endometriosis as we are trying to have a baby. its been a difficult time but we are trusting and being faithful. it definitely has not been easy and the devil has tried to put fears, doubts in my mind. but i know god has a plan and he is always showing us how much he loves us and is compassionate.
We’ll be praying for you, Dana! We pray for healing, courage, and your trust in God. He loves you so much!
OH sweet summer, how i can relate! wE’VE MOVED SO MANY TIMES AND THE LAST FEW ABOUT BROKE ME. NOW I AM TRYING TO PREP MY HEART FOR “WANTING” TO STAY HERE IN az AS WE ARE BLESSED TO PURCHASE A HOUSE NEXT WEEK. tHIS IS A WONDERFUL REMINDER OF THE WORK TO BE DONE HERE…AND THAT gOD WILL WALK THROUGH IT WITH ME SO I CAN SERVE HIM INSTEAD OF FEEL SAD ABOUT MY LOCATION
My husband and I are about to make a big move! I understand how you feel, Christa! Praying with you.
wow, what an excellent read! thank you for the ENCOURAGEMENT summer.
Thank you for reading, Michelle! I’m so glad this blessed you.