Looking for weight loss? This is the kind of weight loss we're after. Read Courtney's story to learn more.
What began as sharing before and after photos of my weight loss turned into bondage.
The days after I shared my photos, my phone buzzed with little red notifications capturing my attention like flashing lights on Broadway. “They like you!” it would scream at the brokenness in my heart. As I saw my photos shared dozens of times a day, it felt as if every notification and shared photo equated more love and acceptance.
It wasn’t that weight loss is a bad thing; supplements, fitness, before and afters—none of those are the issue. The issue is that my body became an idol, not only to me but to hundreds of other women who wanted to meet their goals.
What the photos didn’t show was that I was never satisfied. I would fret over even just one pound gained. I would cry if an outfit or pair of pants no longer fit as well as they once did.
I was stuck in a cycle of striving to be photo-sharing worthy while at the same time desperately wanting to encourage and love women. Yet, the thoughts I had about myself were far from love; they were a prison that kept me in a cell of shame and then moved me to a maximum security-level cell of pride.
In pride, I’d view my body as a trophy and it felt so good to be the grand prize winner. Other times pride meant acting as if I knew better than God. Confessing that He made me, but that He didn’t do a good enough job.
I was stuck in a cycle of striving to be photo-sharing worthy while at the same time desperately wanting to encourage and love women.
The Best Before & After
One evening, while looking for a workout video on YouTube, I came across a cardio workout from Revelation Wellness. It caught my attention because there was just something so fun and joy-filled about it. I quickly knew I needed to find out what this was all about.
Soon after, I began one of their faith and fitness programs. God cracked through my pride-filled heart and began to transform my reaction to those notifications. The Lord revealed that so much of what I was searching for was to prove my worth to this world when all He wanted to show me was that He sees me as a good idea, no matter my pant size.
Through Revelation Wellness, God taught me that nothing I do will make God love me more. The calories burned, the weight lost, the inspiring photos shared—none of it matters if it comes from a place of glorifying myself.
God very loudly called me to start and complete the 5K program, and with each step, I felt the pride that had once held me captive break away little by little.
I felt so strong yet in such great need of the Lord with each step. I began to nourish and move my good body because I wanted to thank it for all it had done rather than for the praise it could get with a perfectly posed side-by-side.
I ended up losing more weight than I ever had—the weight of shame, obsession, striving, and the pride that kept me wound up in my flesh.
I learned to speak kindly to myself, but not only that, the love I felt from Him equipped me to eradicate the comparison and competition I so often found myself living in.
God's Good Idea
God was with me in each season, but it is so easy to let His voice go unheard by the loudness of this world. Revelation Wellness is not what saved me from myself, but it was a good gift that God allowed to minister and teach me while I learned to slow down and hear Him once again.
What I love about the grace and love of God is that He is never finished with us. Thankfully, He will never stray from us despite how far we push Him away. The race isn’t finished after one 5k. Running to the Lord is a daily practice that ebbs and flows because of our flesh and sin, but His good promise to us is that He will keep His arms spread wide for us to run to.
I no longer live in a place of pride because I know that nothing I have or can do is of my own doing. Rather, everything I’ve been given is from the abundance of His goodness being poured over my life. I am on His victorious side. I am living free and whole in His promises.
There have been hard seasons since my hard-fought freedom and the painful stripping of pride, but two things I have kept close to my heart because of Revelation Wellness’s fight for freedom are:
God is good.
I am His good idea.
Your Turn
Friend, if you are waiting for the world to tell you who you are, stop. The Lord has already told you who you are, and that identity doesn’t shift like the sands.
I urge you to get into the Word, a faith-filled community, and a quiet space with Jesus to remind you that He made no mistake when He made you, but you are in desperate need of Him. There is nothing you can do that will make Him love you more, and there will always be a reward when you run to Him. He is waiting for you.
Isaiah 40:31
But they who wait in for the Lord shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles;
They shall run and not be weary;
They shall walk and not faint.
Courtney Beth Murphree is a Fitness Teacher Gospel Preacher from Platoon 25. She is a wife and Momma to five living in Branson, Mo. She loves to teach classes at her local YMCA and is very passionate about sharing the RevWell Couch to 5k program.
