When I was a teenager my parents split, and a divorce quickly followed. As an only child, the heavy burdens of responsibility, isolation, bitterness, and unforgiveness began to plant their roots in the depths of my heart. I was a Christian. I knew who God was and I loved Him with all of my heart. Even in the midst of my belief, I knew that my life had completely changed and that the feelings accompanying this change had the capacity to rule my life for years to come. I was 16 years old when the divorce happened, and the only option available to me was to stay with my mom. Disgust and shame drew sharp divisions like a line in the sand, and I did not speak to my dad for almost two years. I feared there might never be a day where forgiveness could sweep through our relationship, even though in my heart of hearts I believed that forgiveness (if wielded correctly) could be a weapon of healing in the warfare of my life.

God tells us in Ephesians 6:12, “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” But when I was living through those soul-crushing times with my parents, it felt like my dad was the true enemy in flesh-and-blood.  My heart longed for what other teenagers had– a mom and a dad in the same home, a family marked by love and unity. As I let unforgiveness continue to grow in my heart, it also became more difficult to desire a close relationship with God. It felt easier to hold onto feelings of resentment towards my dad, and towards my Heavenly Father, because we were the only family at church who had gone through a divorce. I went to church and read the Bible because I knew I should, and part of me wanted to, but I still allowed no true connection to develop with the Lord. Warfare was waging, and unforgiveness felt like all I could muster up. I was without a true and adequate weapon in the fight.

God is always good. Always. This is an amazing truth that I was not able to grasp fully at my young age. In His unstoppable goodness, God began to change me and fully remind me who I was and who I belonged to. He also helped me contact my dad again, and begin communication after such a long time not speaking. I longed to be reconnected with my dad, but there remained much that felt unsettled. It was not until I began to have freedom in many other areas of my life that I was ready and willing to visit the raw and sore places in my heart where unforgiveness still resided. When I  slowly began to pull the bandaid away, I realized there was still hurt in my heart that felt as real and vivid as the day it all began. The enemy had fooled me into believing all was well with my Father God while I was still crippled in body and spirit by this sin.

God, my Abba, gently scooped me up into His arms as I sat in my big comfy chair one day, reminding me that I was not alone and that I did not have to do this alone. The Lord spoke to me about the forgiveness I still needed to experience. This forgiveness was not for my dad but for our relationship–my relationship with God. He wanted me to be willing to lay aside the unforgiveness that was a stronghold in my life and pick up the weapon of forgiveness. Forgiveness was as sharp as a sword when it came to fighting spiritual warfare, and it was the weapon my Heavenly Father gave me to protect my heart as His royal princess daughter. That day, I spent hours weeping, releasing, and forgiving my dad. I set him free in my own heart, even though he did not ask for forgiveness.

But friend, that is not the end of the story. It was just three weeks later when my dad called me to pour his heart out. These are the four words I heard him speak.

“Will you forgive me?”

Rachel Slagle — Wife, Friend, Nurse, Prayer Warrior, Rev Instructor. Lover of God and always expectant of miracles.

Thank you for reading along on the Revelation Wellness Blog this week!

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ASHLEE’S CHAIR STRENGTH – “BACK TO BASICS”

For the days those weight-bearing joints need little to no stress but you are still feeling called to move, this chair workout will do! You will use the chair as a tool and not a crutch. You were made strong! (BEGINNER) (JOHN 3:16-18; CHAIR & HAND WEIGHTS)