I remember growing up as a little girl, playing with my dolls and fantasizing about the day I would become a mom. At 19, I met the man the Lord set apart for me, and we got married when I was 21. At 25, I had my first baby.  It felt as if life could not be more perfect! The moment I held Adrian in my arms, I felt love for him a million times more than I ever imagined I would.

Although I really did not enjoy being pregnant, the result at the end of the long nine months was well worth the discomfort. So it was not too hard to convince me to do it all over again. My second pregnancy was easier and more enjoyable.

On May 9th 2003 at 4:58pm, our beloved Shane Tinashe ( Zimbabwean – meaning God is with us) was born. Shane’s birth was THE BEST birthing experience I have had out of four. His labor was so quick, and interestingly enough, less painful than the others. He was beautiful with jet black straight hair and the cutest rolls you could possibly hope for. We were delighted and felt as blessed as we did with our firstborn.

Shane’s vitals were checked, and then about 45 minutes or so later the nurse informed us they were going to move him to the nursery because he was having problems regulating his oxygen levels.  We were told not to be concerned since this was a fairly common problem, so we didn’t worry.

The next day, he was still in the level two nursery. The nurses continued to tell us that there was nothing to be too concerned about and that the doctor would visit with us shortly.  Around 10 am, the doctor walked in and proceeded to tell us they believed Shane was Trisomy 21. He explained that Trisomy 21 is a genetic chromosome 21 disorder causing developmental and intellectual delays. They still needed to run some blood work to confirm, but all signs were pointing to a diagnosis of Down Syndrome.

Immediate shock set in. What? Lord, surely this cannot be? Did I do something to cause this?

Loren and I just held each other and cried. Nothing said after that conversation made sense, and I didn’t care to listen. I decided at that moment I was not going to feel sorry for myself. I had a baby to take care of.   I decided at that moment I would not feel sorry for myself or our new baby. I would not allow myself to question God. If I questioned God, wouldn’t that mean I don’t trust Him? I tried to live my entire life as the “good girl.”  I never wanted to disappoint the Lord or my parents.  I mistakenly thought that the Lord would be disappointed if I questioned Him about my son’s diagnosis. I stuffed my feelings instead.

Although I have been a Christian most of my life, I did not understand the Father’s love. I functioned like the elder brother in the story of the prodigal son, the “good” son who had stayed home, and seemed to do everything “right.” Why did his father not reward him for being the good one? The truth was, the elder brother did not understand the heart of his father, which was for both sons and loved them both dearly. The elder brother, instead of accepting the grace His father freely offered to him as well, turned to bitterness.

In 2016, a good friend encouraged me to come with her to an event run by Revelation Wellness called Rev on the Road. I attended and I was moved by the Lord to go through Instructor Training. The retreat was amazing and the Lord broke off chains of bondage that I didn’t know were pulling me down.  However, it was not until the next Fall retreat, which I attended as a Staff member, that the Lord truly healed me.

On Wednesday night, a night focused on forgiveness at retreat, the Lord invited me into something unexpected. I felt that the Lord was saying to me, “Carole, if you want to forgive me, you can.”

What is this all about? I thought to myself.  I felt I heard Him once more. “If you want to forgive me about Shane you can.”

I cried like a baby. I had been holding on to bitterness and unforgiveness for 13 years and had not been fully aware of it. I thought I was okay because I never allowed myself to cry out to God. I believed crying out to Him would be denying His goodness. But the truth was that God did not ignore my hurt and pain, and He never had. He wanted me to cry out to Him, even if I cried out in frustration. He wanted me to heal, to experience just how truly good He was.

In those moments, God reminded me that my son lacks nothing. Shane is made in God’s image, and YES indeed he is wonderfully made! “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know what full well” (Psalm 139:14).

I know that the Lord is always coming after us and making us whole. In His promises, we are made well.  He is the Great Physician of our bodies, souls, and minds.

“May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you hold and whole, put you together – spirit, soul and body – and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. The one who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he’ll do it!” -1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 (MSG)

In the comments below, share what you learned about God through a difficult or unexpected experience. God is not afraid by your questioning or suffering! He hears your cries and prayers! 

Carole Peterson is a Revelation Wellness fitness instructor. She lives in Nebraska and is married to Loren. She has four beautiful boys Adrian (17) Shane (15) , Julian (10), and Canaan (5).  She is the Finance director for Revelation Wellness. She enjoys life and desires that people may know they are truly loved, no matter what!!

Thank you for reading the Revelation Wellness Blog! This past weekend (May 23-26, 2019), two groups of hikers completed a 22.7 mile rim to rim hike of the Grand Canyon. Hikers challenged their bodies and drew near to God in this unique event! Sign up today for Rim to Him- Fall 2019!

Workout with us in this #wednesdayworkout! For more workouts like this, visit RevWell TV!

RICK’S HIIT – “GOD’S PROMISES” 

HIIT (or High Intensity Interval Training) is a training technique in which you move with your all-out, one hundred percent effort in short, intense bursts of exercise, followed by short, sometimes active, recovery periods. This type of training gets and keeps your heart rate up, maximizing your workout time. (ALL LEVELS) (2 CORINTHIANS 1:20; HAND WEIGHTS & YOGA MAT)