When God created the world, the grand finale was His brilliant plan to put a husband and wife together. He celebrated and blessed their oneness and sent them on a mission. From that place of oneness they were ordained to tend the earth, grow what He entrusted to them and to rule as His representatives, together.
At center of all of this abundance and multiplication was the core value of intimacy- intimacy with God, and intimacy with each other. But intimacy quickly gets squelched when stress and pressure feel like walls caving in on us.
Lately we are all facing more stressful work pressure, unexpected changes of plans, and disappointing circumstances. But as we lean into the power of Christ within us, we have the invitation to invest more intentionally in our marriage connection. And as we thoughtfully and purposefully sow good seeds in the soil of our marriage, we will see more fruit grow, even in difficult seasons. That’s the supernatural life we’re called to live through Christ.
Here are 5 ways to grow your marriage in hard seasons:
1. Be slow to speak, and quick to listen
As image-bearers our words are incredibly powerful! Pause before speaking and consider if your words would build up or tear down. Commit to making your home a place where words create LIFE and HOPE.
Choose to encourage each other daily, and say only words that build up and bless and align with God’s heart for your spouse. When you feel tempted to criticize, turn that moment into a breath prayer and let God shift your vision to what He is doing in that place. (James 1:19, James 3:5, Proverbs 18:21)
2. Become a quick repenter and a willing forgiver
Let go of offenses. Don’t wait for time to pass and wounds to fester- lean in today, refusing to give room for bitterness, division and unforgiveness. Those feelings stifle any potential for intimate physical or spiritual connection and only bring more division. But as you both quickly repent, and willingly forgive, your humility invites the grace of God to bless your marriage. (Ephesians 4:31-32; James 4:6)
3. Live lighthearted together
Even in hard times, laughter shifts our brains and bodies with feel good endorphins. Intentionally insert lighthearted activity and laughter into your interactions. This will shift the tone of your home into one that is more hopeful as you choose joy.
Here are some (free) ways to start: laugh at jokes, dance in the kitchen, play games, watch comedy shows (dry bar comedy is usually clean), smile at each other – just because, look through old photo albums that remind you of great memories and reminisce through some highlights. (Proverbs 17:22)
4. Schedule sex
Intimacy is like a fire that grows when we put emphasis on it and prioritize it. Left alone, it will fizzle out. Set a weekly goal and prioritize physical connection just like you would prioritize a workout or an appointment or something else that matters to your well-being.
When we prioritize connection with each other- we foster a growing unity. And Psalm 133 reminds us that unity leads to anointing and fruitfulness. Lean in physically, even when you’re tired or not “in the mood” because sex is about more than just sex. It’s about intimate expression of oneness, vulnerability and self-giving love. And especially during these times, the gift of connection matters deeply to the health of our marriages and the well-being of our homes. Plus scheduling sex makes it fun to actively anticipate special times together! (Psalm 133)
5. Seek out a community who knows and cares for your marriage
One of the most fruitful ways we can live is in a community with like-hearted people. We need each other! We were not made to go it alone. Pray for and prioritize time with like-hearted friends who will stand WITH you in prayer and support for your family and marriage to become all it was created to be. And you for them. (Hebrews 10:24-25)
Francie is a mom to 6 in the suburbs of Washington, DC. She hosts the Heaven in Your Home Podcast where she shares about sex, marriage, and the mission of God as she and her husband aim to build a culture of heaven in their home. For more, visit Francie’s website or her podcast Heaven In Your Home.
2 Responses
I am grateful for all the training and resources offered through the ministry of Revelation Wellness. Clean hearting was my first taste. RevX instructor training Platoon 28 was my first big bite. I devoured RevWild training, Squad 3. Rim 2 Him nearly devoured me! The Sugar Fast and Walking The Words of Jesus were very satisfying. Launch 2023, the icing on the cake!
I dream of Revelation Marriage, an offering with 9 weeks of training for a strong, Godly marriage including topics like; covenant, honor, communication, expectations, sex, prayer, reconciliation, adventure and service. With the finale being a RevWild style Marriage Retreat!
My husband of 35 years and I have survived a pornography addiction, infidelity, serious generational strongholds, 5 relocations, 3 children, and late stage parental caregiving. We have been called to and trained to be peer marriage counselors through The Mercy Center in our local community.
If this ministry ever considers Revelation Marriage training with in person Marriage Retreats, count us in. We will be there as participants and maybe one day facilitators!
WOW! That is an incredible idea, Laura! We have had an in-person marriage retreat, but we don’t have one on the schedule right now. If we ever come up with a Marriage Training program, you’ll be the first to know!