Cris shares the importance of addressing your sexual health as you age.
In the last post, I shared what I’ve learned about caring for my aging body, mind, and soul. In this post, I’ll talk about what I’ve learned about my sexual health as I’ve aged.
I’ve saved this section for last for two reasons. The first is because sexual health is affected by all three of the aforementioned categories. The second is because it is actually fun (and necessary) to talk about!
Here We Go
I worked in the firehouse from age 25 to 57. It was a very masculine, alpha environment, to say the least. This is not a bad thing because these are the type of guys that would run through a wall (on fire) to save a total stranger like you.
The downside to this environment was that certain things were taboo. As a rookie, an officer told me we don’t discuss politics, religion, or family members. These topics could get you a knuckle sandwich.
After serving some time, I’d like to add to the list mental challenges, physical weakness, and sexual dysfunction. Of course, it was okay to talk about sexual conquests (which were probably sensationalized), but dysfunction was off-limits.
The following is a true story with no sensationalism! Prepare yourself for what may be too much information or TMI…
Noticing Changes
I started to experience some “changes” in 2008. I remember the time frame vividly because this was after my divorce and at the beginning of my marriage to Michele. Sexually, things were just a little off. Things just weren’t the way they used to be, and I was troubled.
According to WebMD, “Testosterone is the hormone that fuels a man’s sex drive. After age 40, men’s testosterone levels begin to decline. In many men, T levels gradually go down, along with libido.” While some of this natural, low testosterone could also be related to other serious health factors.
Still, it took some humility and encouragement (not from the dudes at work!) to make an appointment with my doctor to see if he could tell me exactly what was wrong with me.
I mean, I had just married the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. This problem just didn’t make sense! My doctor was, and still is, one of my closest friends. I’m not sure if this made it easier or more difficult to talk to him about my E.D. Nevertheless, I did it. I made the appointment and got my physical and my bloodwork.
My doctor reviewed my blood lab results. Then, asked me questions about my stress level, sleep deprivation, diet, and alcohol use. He noticed a few red flags. My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was up, and my cortisol levels were completely out of whack because a regular sleep schedule was non-existent!
Before prescribing a treatment plan, he strongly suggested I see HIS health care provider, a naturopathic nurse practitioner who just happened to be a woman! What?! Now, I gotta talk to a female about this?
Seeing Another Doctor
After wrestling with this for several days, I made the appointment. She was very professional and very nice. She ordered a “spit test” for me to take home and bring back. She would compare this test to the blood test that Doc did specifically to measure my cortisol levels.
A few weeks later, I returned to the office to review the results with the (female) NP. As I sat there in the examination room, nothing could have prepared me for what was about to take place.
She came into the room and sat beside me so I could see the test results. She began to explain that the cortisol spit test had confirmed what the blood test had indicated and went on to tell me I was experiencing adrenal fatigue. I didn’t know what that meant.
Then, she asked very professionally, “Do you wake up with an erection every morning?” Whoa! Okay, “Doc” is my buddy. Is he playing a joke on me?! Nope, it was not a joke.
It took me a few seconds to think about what my answer should be. Then, I told her the honest answer, “Well, not every morning. As a matter of fact, probably less than half the time.” She acted as if she already knew the answer, and I believe she did.
She drew a picture on the whiteboard of the male reproductive system. She explained that the combination of my sleep deprivation and high-stress levels had me in a constant state of fight or flight. Sleep deprivation, high stress, and a few other variables were affecting my sexual health. But it all came down to this, it was all “fixable.” The solution lay in my physical, mental, and spiritual care.
Questions for Health and Wholeness
These are some questions I asked myself to address each area impacting my sexual health:
Physically – What was fueling my body? How could I fuel my body better?
Mentally– How was I caring for my mind? How many hours a night was I sleeping? Was I investing in meaningful friendships? Was I taking time to process my emotions?
Spiritually– Where was I spiritually? Was I caught up in pleasing God or pleasing people? How often did I get into the Word? Did I have accountability and friendship through a church community?
Addressing these questions and taking practical steps to course correct improved my sexual health and overall health tremendously.
Aging is a Get-To!
Sex is a gift from God. He gave this gift to us. It is uniquely designed by God to express the creative love between husband and wife. The enemy uses everything to try and destroy everything, especially marriage. John 10:10. Do not be deceived; we owe it to our wives to take care of this little (BIG) issue.
Oh, and I want to report that I took this personal story back to the guys at the firehouse and explained it just as I did above. I have been humbled to receive calls from some of my brothers thanking me for sharing. Now they are on their path to sexual health.
“Smarter, not harder” is my new mantra. It truly is a blessing to not only recognize this but embrace it. This is not a statement of defeat. My workouts and lifestyle evolve as I “get to” age and am edified. Praise You, LORD!
My hope for the person reading this is that you embrace your age. I wholeheartedly believe that movement is medicine; if you are moving, you are doing it right.
There is no need to strive. Aging is a huge “get to!”
Cris Tupen is a Revelation Wellness Instructor (Platoon 4) as a Chaplain for Revelation Wellness alongside his wife, Michele (Platoon 5). They also serve as Chaplains for their local police department. They have five adult sons, Colton, Cody, Casey, Tanner, and Trey. As well as three grandchildren.
