It was a cool, fresh spring day. An ordinary one as a matter of fact. It was a weekday and that meant one thing; my family would sit around the dinner table, after cooking dinner together, to break bread and share about our days. It is a treasured part of our day, and we all look forward to this pause in the busyness of our lives together. As we were cleaning up from dinner, I got a text from my good friend who lives down the street. She asked if I’d like to go for a walk. I asked the guys to finish up, laced up my sneaks, and headed out the door.
Meeting her for a walk in the evenings was something we did occasionally, and we always had such a great time catching up with one another. As I rounded the corner, I saw her sitting on her steps. She was gazing off in the distance, and it appeared she was deep in thought. As I approached her, it almost seemed as if I had startled her. We hugged and got underway with our walk. She asked me how I was doing, and I gave her a quick response. Something in me couldn’t wait to hear how she was doing. So I asked, and after a long pause, she told me she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. She explained the stage and other details. Once she was done with the details, the tears came. We walked in silence for what seemed like forever, and tears streamed down our cheeks. She was afraid, and I was surprised.
This is where love got heavy. I grabbed her hand, and we walked a few more steps. Then we stopped, faced one another, and hugged it out. I wished I could hug the cancer out of her body. It didn’t matter that the neighborhood was bustling with runners, children at play, and folks walking their dogs. As her tears seeped through my shirt, I began to do the only thing I knew how to do…pray. I prayed for peace, healing, and mercy as she navigated her treatment journey. I prayed for discernment and strength. It was as if time stood still.
I don’t remember the rest of our walk that night, but I do vividly recall asking God to be with her and her family as she went through all of the treatments…surgery, chemo, and radiation. One of the hardest parts was she hadn’t told her son, who is only one year younger than mine. She was waiting for the right time to tell him, and I really didn’t understand, which didn’t matter a bit because it was her journey. And she had invited me into a sacred space, and for that, I’d need the Spirit to lead and guide me every step of the way.
I tell you this story because I am certain we all know someone who has, or has had, cancer. And when they share their journey with you, it can be scary or overwhelming. Here are a few things God has taught me about walking with a friend through cancer over the past several months:
1. Pray. You cannot do it alone, and neither can your friend or family member.
2. Listen. You friend or family member needs to process what they are going through.
3. Be there. You are in it with them, and you won’t leave them.
4. Show them Jesus. Your friend or family member needs you to love them just as they are.
5. Do good. When you see a need, fill the need. Don’t wait to be asked. Just do it!
One of the most practical opportunities I had came when she rang the bell at her final radiation treatment. She asked the doctor, “What’s next?” And the doctor said, we wait and in two years if your scans remain clear, we’ll consider you in remission. She was devastated. After a very regimented treatment plan, she needed some clear, concrete steps to move forward. None of those steps included waiting. Together, we designed a plan for her to continue to pursue healing and health through growing her relationship with God, a plan to eat and move for whole health, and creating rhythms of rest in her life.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t remind you to find someone, besides your friend or family member, for you to talk with and process your feelings. We don’t have to have all the answers, but we do need to stay close in prayer and Word to the One who was not surprised by this part of your friend or family member’s life. Hold the sacred space God has given you in His strength and for His glory.
In the comments below, share something you’ve learned while walking with a friend or family member through cancer or illness.
Lisa Marik: An everyday missionary joining Jesus on His mission, Lisa is a warrior on mission for freedom. Follow Lisa Marik on Instagram as @inhimwellness inspiring transformation from the inside out.
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21 Responses
While reading through this week’s blog I just started crying. Two years ago I lost a mentor and friend and about two month’s ago I lost another friend through cancer.
I could feel your surprise and I felt my emotion all over again.
The first emotion or feeling is probably fear.
I am currently also going through something that has potential to become bigger and also put me in a position where your friend was in.
I am praying and believing that it will not be my journey.
Thank you for your podcasts. I am a big fan
Carlien van Eeden
Brackenfell
western cape
south africa
Thank you so much for sharing, Carlien! I’m so sorry about the loss of your friends. I pray the Lord comforts you through this.
As someone who had breast cancer twice i get that question a lot from family members or friends. What to do? How to help?
Honestly for me the most meaningful Someone can do was be there when I needed it. We need all the support We can get and genuine care. I’m glad you listened to the Holy spirit and just waited and prayed. For me the worst has been well intentioned people sending me Links and things to “help” me. People don’t know how to react and they try to rationalize. I shut myself off when it came to that.
The best thing is truly pray and pray. Without my Prayer partners and family support would have been harder. One more thing the part waiting to tell her son.. I did that is not something to just say it. Everyone else yes, but when it comes to telling your children children it is best to wait for the proper time. A mother knows her children best. In my case, I had to wait to do to tell my children. In the waiting period, I prayed for God to give me wisdom for the words to say. My daughter believed cancer equals death and many people do, so I had to pray about how to approach that. This is my own experience. Thanks for reaching out to your friend; we need close friends
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and wisdom, Janet. We’ll be praying for you and your family.
When I found out about my cancer diagnosis three years ago, I had friends show up in these ways for me and it made all the difference in a really hard day and SEASOn. They showed up and loved me and my family even though they didn’t know what to say most of the time. It is heavy love to walk with someone through cancer, and that heavy love others carried helped me not feel crushed by my circumstances. Jesus showed me deep love through them. THANKK you for writing this!
Thank you so much for sharing, Amanda! It is so true that the love of others can carry us through difficult circumstances.
Beautifully written! I remember with vivd clarity sitting across the table from two precious sisters in christ and allowing them into my “sacred space” – that was 5yrs ago and today i am officially a member of the 5% club….
by God’s grace, i am still thriving with stage Iv breast cancer
My advice….. bring God to your friend(s) in this battle….in little ways….Earnest prayer, a card, a short visit with their favorite treat, a couple flowers……something simple that says ‘hey friend, I’m here’
We praise God for your thriving, Celeta! This is wonderful advice to add to Lisa’s 🙂
A couple weeks ago a dear friend was diagnosed with uterine cancer and just this week I found out my step dad has stage 4 kidney failure. Walking this out will look very different for each of them and how I walk this out with each of them will look very different. This is a great reminder to press into God for direction, wisdom, healing, peace, strength, and all the grace necessary to get through it.
We are praying for you and your family, Jennifer! I’m glad this post is a blessing for you!
Beautifully written Lisa!! Thank you for serving and loVing God’s people the way you do!
Thank you for reading, Amy! I’m so glad this blessed you.
This topic hit my heart. first will pray for all those who are battling cancer. Past and present. may god give you the strength to fight this beast. I would like to request all prayer warriors to dig deep and pray for my friendss family. here is her story: Emma is 13
Emma Sorensen’s journey began back in August, 2018 when a stroke-like incident occurred out of nowhere and landed her an ambulance ride to the ER. After being released from Broward Health North with no real diagnosis, she was sent for further testing to find she had what they thought at Nicklaus Children’s Center was a low-grade Glioma.
Fast forward a few months later, multiple doctors and different hospitals opinions, and multiple scans later, all confirming a low-grade Glioma, we were put on watch and see protocol common for a low grade Glioma. After being carefully watched by her neurosurgeon at Joe DiMaggio Children’s Hospital, we saw the tumor growing and changing. Because if this he and we determined the tumor needed to come out. However, no one expected the pathology we were about to receive. On May 29, 2019 (9 short months after this all began) a bilateral frontal craniotomy was performed where Emma’s outstanding surgeon was able to do a complete resection and get all (that was apparent to the human eye) of the larger tumor that was now there. We were so happy with the outcome of the surgery to see our beautiful angel resting so peacefully and tumor free!
Waiting for the preliminary pathology was easy as we thought we had beaten this low-grade, benign Glioma. You can imagine our surprise 4 days later when we received the news that the preliminary pathology came back and we were dealing with an entirely different animal- a high-grade malignant Glioma. Then finally, on June 11th, we were told that the final pathology would label this a Glioblastoma Multiforme (https://www.abta.org/tumor_types/glioblastoma-gbm/).
Currently the treatment plan for our beautiful Emma to beat this terrible disease consists of 6-7 weeks of chemo radiation 5 days a week followed by 10 months of oral chemotherapy.
Please help in any way you can to offset the medical bills that her parents Kelley and Michael Sorensen will incur during this process.
#Emmastrong #cancersucks #onedayatatime
Blessings to all
I will pray for Emma! Thank you so much for sharing, Ann.
God is so good. As I read this article about cancer it applied directly to my situation. I was recently diagnosed with colon cancer.
God gave me the courage to share my story with family and friends. Healing and wholeness has been a part of this journey,MaDe possible through prayer.
God completely healed me I am a living miracle! It brings tears to my eyes to see the love of the Lord and the beauty of the lord gives us joy in the midst of trials.
We are victorious!
Thank you Jesus
What a miracle, Abbey! God is so good.
WOw!! I am privileged to read of all of your stories that people have had the courage and bravery to share. I’m praying God does give wisdom and peace and family and friends to surround and guide and help during this time in each of your lives. God is faithful!
Yes! Thank you for reading along on the blog, Abbey!
Cancer, its the modern day goliath. My husband was diagnosed with cancer 1 1/2 years ago. We still are not out of the woods. We were told to get our things in order and we had 2-5 years at most with treatment. God has been so good. As for advice. Yep, pray. That is oir number one support. Friends who pray. Every day. don’t offer advice unless asked for. We know people mean well, but really, you have no idea the treatment you’d choose until you are in this situation. The first treatment we felt thE Lord give us peace about is not the treatment we thought we would have chosen. You seriously just have no idea when the diagnosis is delivered to you. Do not be afraid to encourage and speak life. To hope and expectantly wait for healing. So many times i needed others to pull me out of the pit of hopelessness, not because things looked bad but because the enemy attacked my mind and i needed others to pray, hope and believe on my behalf and remind why i should as well. Listen. Yes, these are important. And listen not just with your physical ears, but also with your heart and your spiritual ears. All that you shred was so good. Tha k you for sharing.
I got to walk beside my mom with her cancer then dementia. It was a hard riad to journey on but I would not have wanted to be anywhere else during her last days.
Thank you for sharing, Kelly!