Eating disorders can cause you to hide in shame. Debi shares her story of seeking help and finding healing from bulimia.
You're Only As Sick As Your Secrets
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. -Galatians 5:1
God has blessed me so much in my life.
He gave me a loving husband of 40 years and an amazing family that means the world to me. As I look back on my life, I realize if God hadn’t saved me, none of these blessings would have come to be. God is so good.
As much as I’d rather resist talking about my eating disorder, God keeps nudging me to tell the full story of my life.
As a little girl, I was teased about my weight. I always felt bigger than other girls. My mom referred to my weight as ‘baby fat.’ I got the message loud and clear that I was not okay. I wish I’d known how precious I was. A beautiful God-created girl. These hurtful words were tiny seeds the enemy planted that eventually grew into an eating disorder.
Beginning in my teens, I would go on a diet, lose weight, and then gain it back.
When yo-yo dieting no longer gave me the desired results, I distinctly remember a switch going off in my brain. I discovered a new weight loss tool called bulimia.
I could secretly eat lots of my favorite foods until I got so sick that I’d throw up. The chains of an eating disorder were wrapped around me and were not easily broken.
Pretty soon, I couldn’t stop!
My eating disorder was my shameful secret. I imagine the devil laughed. He thought he could destroy me, but God had other plans.
No one knew, not my friends or family. It was my shameful secret. I imagine the devil laughed. He thought he could destroy me, but God had other plans.
This behavior continued throughout my life, except when I was pregnant with my sons and throughout their younger years.
I believe that the love for my sons trumped the eating disorder.
Unfortunately, it came back years later when our world was turned upside down by unexpected family events.
By God’s grace, I finally told my husband about my eating disorder.
After so many years, it may sound unbelievable that he didn’t know. But that’s just the thing, an eating disorder is so easy to hide.
Hiding an eating disorder is just as the Alcoholics Anonymous slogan says, “we are only as sick as our secrets.”
On The Road to Recovery
After years of hiding my eating disorder, I went into recovery mode, trying therapy, medication, and eventually an eating disorder facility.
Many beautiful ladies in that facility needed the miracle of Jesus, including me. It was a very hard time in my life, but God. His amazing grace was there for me as many people prayed.
The eating disorder fell into the background, although it always seemed to be in my back pocket. I never wanted to release it to God.
Then, a series of events from 2020 through today has led to breakthroughs and healing in my spiritual and physical journey!
Enter the year 2020. I had just retired from my career and prayed for a new direction in life. I was craving a relationship with Jesus.
Enter Revelation Wellness. I was led to the Revelation Wellness podcast, “Reving the Word” led by Alisa Keeton. I listened to the podcasts on my daily walks. If I could make the sound of angels singing right now, I would. God sparked my soul!
As I walked and listened to the gospel message while Christian music played in the background, it was as if a light bulb had turned on in my head. Tears ran down my face as I sensed God’s Holy Spirit in me.
There was just something about movement, paired with hearing the spiritual teachings, that blew my mind in the best ways. I have always been a girl on the move, and God knew how to reach me. I began following Revelation Wellness on social media and participated in their challenges.
Enter Covid! Talk about turning our world upside down! Fear took over. The enemy saw my fear and knew how to get to me. The binge urges came back strong, and I fell back into the eating disorder. I was so full of shame; eating disorders thrive on shame. I finally got on my knees and gave it to God.
I remember listening to a Revelation Wellness teaching podcast, #349 Breaking the Binge-Restrict Cycle. Looking at my journal from 2020, I wrote Alisa’s words, “you are not broken, you are in need of a Savior!” Those words changed my life.
A Ministry of Healing
God is now my joy!
He continues to use Revelation Wellness and its message of freedom to keep me out of bondage. I had such an orphan spirit that needed Jesus.
Galatians 5:1 is my go-to verse as I pray daily to “stand firm and don’t be burdened by the yoke of slavery” to any addiction.
He eventually led me to take the Revelation Wellness Instructor Training. I didn’t think I was equipped, but God said, “I’ve got you! Go, and lead others to me.”
I had no idea I’d ever lead a fitness class, but God! He opened doors for me at 62 years young to teach a class of lovely women last fall. There have been many miracles that God has brought into our lives as I say “yes” to him.
I admit that sometimes I turn to food more than I should. There are times when I look in the mirror wishing I were thinner.
I am onto the devil’s schemes, though. He keeps playing that same tune repeatedly, and it’s old stuff. God is renewing my mind and strengthening me in His Word.
But he (Jesus) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. I talk to him and read his word.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9
Amen and amen!
I hope and pray that God will use my story to help others who feel trapped by an eating disorder and show them that God truly sees and cares about them.
*If you are struggling with an eating disorder, we encourage you to consult with a physician and a qualified mental health professional regarding eating disorder symptoms and treatment. You are not alone!
Debi Johnson is a Revelation Wellness Instructor from Platoon 25. She lives in Eureka, CA, where she leads a low-impact fitness class at the Eureka First Church of the Nazarene called NazzRev. She spreads the gospel message of freedom through fitness and her testimony however God leads.
