*Post updated January 2023
A Life Shadowed by Grief
I’ve never considered myself a naturally joyful person. I spent years protecting myself from feeling anything good because it was risky. I refused to feel and experience any amount of joy because of the grief that I chose to live in. I allowed the death and losses in my life to define me.
It wasn’t my desire that I would live that way, and I certainly didn’t want a pity party, but I didn’t know another way to live. When you lose someone close to you at a young age, you don’t know anything different.
I was in the third grade when my mom went to be with Jesus. She passed away two months after being diagnosed with acute Leukemia. I was too young to really understand what was going on. All I knew was that my life was flipped upside down. In an instant, my whole life changed, and it happened so quickly that I don’t think any of us had sufficient time to process it.
The journey ahead of me was a long hard road full of suffering, hiding, and bondage, but it was also on this road that the Lord brought me freedom from the shackles that held me for so many years.
After losing my mom to cancer, it felt like I lost someone close to me every year. In 2011 I suffered the hardest loss of my life when my dad died from a brain tumor. The doctors said it was one of the worst types that existed and that there was no known cure for this type of cancer.
My family and I were devastated, but looking back, I see how the Lord knew exactly what He was doing the whole time. So much good came out of losing my dad. I know you’re thinking, Huh? How is that even possible? It is possible because God is good and stronger than death. I am not the same person I was in 2011.
I am stronger, braver, and have more faith than I ever had before.
But that was just the beginning.
Time For Restoration
My journey from suffering and sorrow to joy took years. In fact, it wasn’t until the Spring of 2017 that I finally had my breakthrough.
One word – RETREAT, a place where God shows up EVERY single time! There is something about being on that mountain in Arizona, away from all distractions and silenced by the presence of the Lord.
I’ve learned over the years that when you ask God to show up, He will. Fasten your seatbelts, friends, because our Father is always ready to do the serious work He wants to do in our hearts and minds!
During this particular Revelation Wellness Instructor Retreat, I greatly struggled with what it looks like to be a joyful person.
Joy is defined as the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying.
At that time, I would have said that I was a happy person, but the fear of being hurt was always greater than the risk of feeling something good.
As I grew up, I trained myself not to get close to anyone or anything, fearing that it would be taken from me. All my relationships were held at arm’s length—letting people in, but never completely. That was my way of making sure that if I did lose them, it wouldn’t hurt as much. I expected bad things to happen to me. I never truly soaked in the good experiences that happened in my life. I never allowed myself to feel the emotion of JOY.
Because I let grief define me, I let my memories get lost in my head. Literally, I have a horrible memory. For example, on my wedding day, I can remember who was there, what I wore, the horrible morning sickness, and the overwhelming amount of shame I felt for getting pregnant out of wedlock. I recall specific times when I was hurt or when people around me left this world, but my most intimate memories have been shoved far back on the shelf of my heart, locked in millions of chains and inaccessible. This was my way of protecting myself.
At Retreat, God also told me it was time to stop living in my grief. It’s time for RESTORATION. I was going to be MADE NEW!
Grief controlled me so much that I was missing everything that happened around me. I never wanted a pity party when I told my story, but every single day I lived in my own pity party world. I was exhausted. I felt hopeless and wanted more for my life. I wanted to feel joy and be known as a joyful person – and I wanted to BELIEVE IT!
But the truth is that grief and joy are on the same side. They work together to cheer on our faith.
An Unshakeable Faith
“The fruit of the Spirit is love, JOY, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” -Galatians 5:16
My heart desired to believe and walk in truth, knowing that the Lord desires me to be filled with all the fruits of the spirit. I wanted the fruit of the Spirit to be so overwhelming inside of me that His joy and life would pour from my soul.
Before I could fully walk fully in this truth, I needed the last piece of the puzzle.
I needed to hear the sweet whisper of the Lord in my ear six months later.
In November of 2017, our team returned to the Instructor Training Retreat Intensive on the mountain, and the Lord wasted no time with me. We all have our “ugly cry” moment at Retreat, but I was not expecting mine to happen so quickly.
On the first day there, the Lord whispered ever so softly to me.
He said, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything that you have been through. I have never left your side. I have been with you the whole time.”
I knew before that this was the truth– that God never leaves us and that He is always with us, but this time I knew He meant it for me personally, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I needed to know that after all the pain, loss, and trauma that I had experienced, that He was still there. HE NEVER LEFT ME. He was walking right next to me holding my hand.
He had been waiting for me to let go of the grief I allowed to define me so that I could experience the joy that I was meant to radiate.
Grief is a part of life. As humans, we tend to put grief and joy on opposite ends of the spectrum. Many of us see things this way. If you are grieving, how could you possibly experience joy?
But the truth is that grief and joy are on the same side. They work together to cheer on our faith.
Grief isn’t bad, but living in it–letting it rule you and define you– is not the way the Lord wants us to live.
So today – I say, NO MORE! My past does not and will not define me. From this day forward, I will not live buried in my grief. Instead, I will hold my head up high, knowing that because of my grief, I am able to experience true JOY.
I stand confident, knowing that joy and grief work together so that my faith in the Lord is undeniable and unshakable. He gets all the glory today, tomorrow, and all the days to come.
Dana Seymour is a daughter of a King, wife, mother, and Former Director of RevWellTV.
12 Responses
Thank you, Dana for sharing your words today. I am living in a place of grief and joy after losing both of my parents in the last few years and my sons lost their dad ten years ago. It feels like an internal battle some days as I try to reconcile the grief or the joy. I am praying for complete surrender as I release my burden to God once and for all.
I love how God brought me your words today. His timing is perfect.
Thank you for sharing your struggle with grief. My husband of 44 years changed his address to heaven last week. It hurts tremendously but as I said at his service, “it is a risk to love big because you risk hurting big.” We took that risk and I am glad because of all the wonderful memories we have.
I’m glad you found healing and can now live in JOY!
Yes, Dana, thank you so much for sharing. This was definitely a timely word for me and God used it to confirm what He was speaking to me earlier this morning. He pretty much said to me exactly, “It’s time to stop grieving and it’s time for joy” and then I saw this in my email just a couple hours later – so cool how God works!
I am reading this in tears tonight, yesterday we made the decision to bring in Hospice care for my mom. My emotions have been all over the place since I have no idea what the future holds or how long she will be with me. I don’t want to shut down as I did when my dad died 22 years ago. I too have kept people and God at arms length so I would not get hurt too. I am trying to feel my feelings and allow God to heal me.
He is doing a good work in you!
Revelation Wellness, thanks so much for the post.Really thank you! Great.
Revelation Wellness, thanks! And thanks for sharing your great posts every week!
Thank YOU for reading!
Greetings! Very helpful advice within this article! It is the little changes that produce the greatest changes. Thanks a lot for sharing!
Thanks for sharing! We’re so glad this blessed you!
Thank you for this vulnerability. I needed to hear some truth about grief today as I process my own grief and trauma that has had my heart locked up for years. I am slowly crawling out of the pit of grief. This morning it felt like quicksand. But Jesus told me that he is the solid rock beneath my feet, it looks like quicksand, but it is not. He will call me out of the grief. I must learn to feel sadness. Not wallow in it. But there is no shame in grief. I am in Platoon 28- only now in training. My heart is burning to go to the retreat in May. I have no idea why. I don’t think I have the resources available- I’ve been praying about it. But the hope of healing my heart seems tied to retreat for me. I don’t understand what the Lord is doing in me. But I am “getting my hopes up.”
Thank you for sharing, Amy! I’m so grateful for the work the Lord is doing in you. We are cheering you on through training and onto retreat!