Secular culture is quite demanding on men. When you are a Jesus follower, the daily temptations you face can often feel harder and not easier. Fighting temptation is to “take up [your] cross daily and follow [Jesus]”(Luke 9:23). But taking up your cross is more than a matter of “keeping it together” (whatever that means).
My constant temptation is to remain in a place of unhealthy shame. My sin is to remain there rather than drag it into the light so that “we have fellowship with one another” (1 John 1:7). Next thing you know loneliness is in the room with me. And if I sit too long with loneliness, depression tends to show up also.
For much of 2020, depression showed up and did not leave. Depression was a persistent and constant struggle. Praise God it is starting to lift, but He continues to reveal to me the places of unhealthy shame that led me there.
Lewis B. Smedes in his book, “Shame and Grace” says,
“The basic fact about undeserved shame is this: it is a false message from our false self. The most common sources of our false self are these three: secular culture, graceless religion, unaccepting parents.”
Made for hard things, made for great things
But while we are made for hard things, we are also made for great things. Great things don’t look like the echo of these three common sources of shame that keep us in this false self. No! Christ tells us in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Jamin Goggin and Kyle Strobel in their book, “The Way of The Dragon or The Way of The Lamb” in a dialogue with James Houston states this about our weaknesses,
“Rather than looking to Christ to redeem, we have acted as our own redeemer. Twice over we neglect our Redeemer. We neglect him in our self-accomplishment, in our attempt to overcome our weaknesses with strengths. We also neglect him because we don’t believe we need him where we are powerful; we only need him where we are failing or still poor. In this sense, operating from our strengths is practicing atheism. This is why there is a feeling in so many of our churches that we are role-playing. You can’t expose your real self. If you are majoring in your strength, how can you ever live without a mask?
The self-achieved identity is very fragile because we have to sustain it. The result is a tendency toward narcissism because there is a depleted sense of self. This is not what God ordained that we should have for an identity.”
As a man that quote hit me square in the chest. The secular culture exalts the self-made man. Graceless religion champions having it together or living with your mask on. Unaccepting parents can double-click on the first two and heap more undeserved shame on our backs. How do we “keep it together?”
We don’t!!
We let go. We open up and grasp Romans 8:1 because it is true about Christ and true about us. “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1).
In a single verse, we can embrace the beautiful finished work of Christ and feel free to show our weakness to our brothers in arms. Being vulnerable benefits everyone around us and glorifies Christ. And why not? No condemnation means I can move forward and away from undeserved shame. I can face the hard things without fear. I can lift my head up and stop navel-gazing. I can take 10 looks to my Redeemer for every single glance at my weakness. His power is made perfect in weakness!
Being made to endure hard things doesn’t mean we are without temptation, sin, and weakness as men. What it means is we can rejoice in our weakness and enjoy the beautiful grace found in Christ.
In closing, I want to leave you with this great and beautiful truth. The doxology of Jude 1 points us toward our true identity.
Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. – Jude 24,25 (ESV)
In the comments below, share your experience enduring hard things, like depression. How does Romans 8 comfort you as you face weakness and trial?
Shaun is a graduate of Platoon 20 Revelation Wellness Instructor Training, a shepherd for Rim to Him, and a lead instructor for Rev Wild.
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3 Responses
This is so timely in my life! I have just learned about my false identity through a church retreat, and boy, did that hit home. I somehow have lived with the mask off but also strive to be like other people who look so put together. I want to be like the perfect mother & church ministry leader but I mess up SO much- in the job & personally. Why did God pick me for that assignment, I would wonder. Thankfully, I’m still only standing because of His grace. And lately I need his freedom from condemnation more than ever. Thank you again for this timely reminder.
I could not have needed this blog more than I do right now. I have been having this argument inside of my head for the past couple of days. The enemy is loud and loading my thoughts full of negative self-talk. I keep asking Our Father to please intervene and fill my head with all of the affirmations that I know are true. This is really feeding into my depressive state that I can sometime slip into when I just don’t feel like I’m “enough”. Thank you for your encouraging words. After reading 2Cor 12:9, I am reminded to leave my inadequacy at His feet so that He can fill me up with His strength.
Shaun, you are dead on brother. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing your story. You know how much this resonates with me. I so appreciate the reminder about where we can turn when life gets hard and depression creeps in. It’s very comforting to know you are a brother in arms for this fight!