Over five and a half years ago my marriage was almost sabotaged by lust. I had struggled with lustful thinking since I was a teen and had committed to keeping it hidden no matter the cost. My strict, conservative upbringing instilled in me a belief that it was better if no one ever knew because it would only lead to being shamed and shunned. Not only that, but I was a pastor and knew that if anyone found out I would be fired and my wife could leave me.
But Father God in His love for me knew this could not continue. He allowed my wife to find evidence of my behavior and I knew I was exposed. Tears were shed and feelings were hurt, but ultimately wounds healed and continue to be healed daily.
I wish no one ever had to walk through what we did, but that is unrealistic. Lust is a very real weapon used by the enemy; BUT God has given us strategic, combat that leads to freedom. (Is. 54:17)
If you or someone you know struggles with lust, here are 7 tips to help you fight for freedom:
1. It is better to come clean than to get caught.
It may be embarrassing and painful to tell another person the truth, but it is even harder being caught in a lie. Telling the truth is the first step to rebuilding trust. Confessing to God brings forgiveness, and confessing to one another brings healing. (James 5:16)
2. Build a support team.
This goes not just for those struggling with lust, but those who have been hurt by loved ones struggling with lust. Surround yourself with people you trust who will stand with you and tell you the truth, not people who will pull you down and tell you what’s easy to hear. Though it is still a challenge, it is far better to walk this out with others than by yourself. (Ecc. 4:9)
3. Install healthy guardrails.
Whether it is installing accountability software on your devices, not being alone with a member of the opposite gender, or daily checking in with your support team; our guardrails can keep us from being in compromising situations. It requires dropping your pride and the right to “do what you want.” Would you rather get your way or let God have His perfect way with you? (Prov 16:18)
4. Realize it’s not only hurting you.
I told myself it was only damaging the parts of me that no one could see. I couldn’t have been more wrong. When my wife discovered my actions it wounded her deeply. Not only that, but I later discovered that pornography fuels the sex trafficking industry. According to anti-trafficking nonprofit, Rescue: Freedom, in 9 countries, 49% of sexually exploited women said that pornography was made of them while they were being sold for sex. This behavior leaves multiple victims in its path.
5. God gives us the CHOICE to surrender it.
God does not “take” things away from us; rather He receives them once we give them over to Him. I certainly wanted to stop my lustful ideation and behavior, but it was not until I was ready to surrender them to God that I started to see real, tangible change. Basically, I had to decide I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
When we have healthy conversations about lust and sexual addiction, we rob the enemy of his greatest weapons: shame and isolation.
6. Only focus on your part...you can only keep your side of the street clean.
Whether you or a loved one are dealing with lust, we cannot force (control) anyone to act how we want them to. My wife could not make me stop lusting or lying and I could not force her forgiveness. I can only take ownership of my part. I cannot own another’s actions, feelings, or words. (Rom 12:18)
7. Talk about it.
When we have healthy conversations about lust and sexual addiction, we rob the enemy of his greatest weapons: shame and isolation. There is a notion that talking about lust will only cause it to be more widespread, but the fact is that it is already widespread. As Christians, by not talking about it we are allowing the world to dictate the narrative. Jeremiah 6:14 says “you can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there!” Yes, it may be an awkward, challenging conversation to initiate, but when you allow the Spirit to lead, He provides long-term healing for your whole home.
Victory over lust is possible! My marriage and the marriages of others who have walked through this shine as an example to the goodness and power of God. No hurt or habit is ever too big for God.
Do you struggle with lust? Has God freed you from the power of lust and pornography? Share your story of redemption!
Josh Shoemaker is a fitness teacher gospel preacher, trainer, and Ambassador for Revelation Wellness in Huntsville, Alabama. Besides wellness, he has a heart and passion for recovery ministry and serves as a state representative for Celebrate Recovery. You can follow Josh & Britney’s ministry, Reckless Reclamation, here!
2 Responses
I am so proud of you both for opening this dial & sharing your story! And rev for Using this. Our world Needs to see how we navigate these waters of lust , unfaithfulness , lying – etc.
May many be brought to freedom from reading this & the holy spirit convicting .
His kindness leads to repentence.
Julie
Thank you for sharing, Julie! We pray this encourages people in this community and beyond!