Loneliness doesn't have to define your life. Luke Wall from Only7Seconds shares tips to fight for connection with others.
An Epidemic of Loneliness
We all have felt lonely at some point in our lives. Some of us feel loneliness amid pain and suffering. Some of us feel loneliness amid extreme success and recognition. Some of us feel lonely without a relationship. Some of us feel lonely in our relationships.
Some of us simply feel alone. We struggle to find friends we can be honest with. We find ourselves surrounded by people but still feel as though we have nowhere to belong. We end up spending another night at home alone, feeling like no one sees us and no one cares. That is loneliness.
And often, it feels like we are the only ones who have ever felt this way. We all can feel as though we are alone in the struggles we are experiencing.
But studies show this is far from the truth.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN FEELING ALONE.
If we stopped long enough to be honest with each other, even if it is just for a minute, we would realize that we all feel this sense of loneliness. We all feel a deep need to belong but rarely find a place of belonging. We all feel the need to perform, pretending to be happy and fulfilled, even though we find ourselves missing deep human connection.
Sure, some of us are feeling more lonely than others. Nearly 80% of Gen-Z feel lonely regularly. Boomers and the elderly population are right behind them. And everyone in between…well, we are also experiencing record-setting levels of loneliness.
And the scariest part? Loneliness is a matter of life and death. I don’t say that lightly. Truly, loneliness can be a killer. And even in the less extremes, loneliness has a profound impact on mental and physical well-being.
Loneliness-induced stress can lead to severe outcomes, including mental health breakdowns, heart disease, and inflammation.
The Relationship Between Loneliness and Stress
Now you might be asking yourself, what does loneliness have to do with stress?
Studies have shown that loneliness is one of the leading causes of stress. In contrast, connectedness can be one of the biggest solutions to addressing stress. Loneliness-induced stress can lead to severe outcomes, including mental health breakdowns, heart disease, and inflammation.
The opposite of loneliness is connection. Being connected with others, where you feel seen and have a sense of belonging, is the antithesis of loneliness. Humans are hardwired for connection. In fact, human connection is as important to our survival as food and water.
When you are more connected, you are less likely to feel lonely. The stronger, more honest, and more meaningful those connections are, the less lonely you will feel. You will even feel less stressed after having a meaningful, vulnerable, honest conversation.
While you can’t control people’s responses to you, there are many pieces you can control. One of those is your own effort [toward connection] and bravery.
Only7Seconds to Connect
At Only7Seconds, we believe the start of a path towards connection begins with actions that take 7 seconds or less.
So here are some things that take 7 seconds to start doing. Not all may apply to where you are in life. You may not be capable or comfortable doing some of these. That is okay. At least one of these should be relevant, viable action towards connection, no matter your place in life. Choose one.
– Recognize and admit your loneliness.
– Talk to someone about feeling lonely.
– Connect with a friend.
– Ask a meaningful question.
– Smile at a stranger.
– Choose to be the one.
You may have noticed…each of these takes effort. These all require “putting yourself out there” in some way. Here is the sneaky truth: loneliness isn’t cured by simply waiting at home every night, binging a Netflix show, and hoping someone shows up at your doorstep (literally or figuratively). You have to make the effort. While you can’t control people’s responses to you, there are many pieces you can control. One of those is your own effort and bravery.
Bravery doesn’t necessarily mean getting on stage and participating in a local dance-off (there is NO WAY I am doing that!). The simple act of sending a text can be brave in and of itself. Don’t diminish the bravery it takes to put yourself out there, even if it is in a small way. Sometimes the smallest steps have big results.
Even if you aren’t feeling lonely, this is for you. Here is the other thing: addressing loneliness and being more connected is a preventative measure both individually and systemically.
If we can address loneliness earlier, it can help prevent the health challenges that loneliness causes later in life. It will help you during the times you feel stressed.
Put another way, building strong connections builds resiliency. The stronger your connections, the stronger your support system for the tough times.
Ideas For Deeper Connection
Want to dig deeper and take more than 7 seconds towards connection? Here are some things that take longer than 7 seconds but have a real impact on your experience of loneliness.
– Take time to connect with yourself. It can be taking the time to go for a walk, listing out a few things you are grateful for, spending a few minutes in meditation or prayer, or reading a book. Practice connection with yourself first.
– Seek out and engage community.
– Check out Only7Seconds’ resources.
*This post is an excerpt from the Only7Seconds I Know Lonely guide. The complete guide is available to download for free on the Only7Seconds website.
Luke is the Executive Director for Only7Seconds. Luke has a background in business and non-profit work but has been working on addressing loneliness for nearly two years. He is passionate about loneliness and mental health because of personal experiences and experiences of others close to him that have had severe consequences. He is married and has three children, and lives in central Washington.
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